04 ottobre 2007

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8dQP5srrGk

le mie dita sfiorano quel tavolo nero opaco e disegno i miei soliti omini che solo io in controluce posso vedere. oggi non ho la forza di ribattere, dentro ho un mare mosso, un cuore in burrasca...oggi ascolto e disegno. mentre mi parla disegno un omino che spunta dal bordo del tavolo e saluta, lei di fronte a me mi sbircia, non so cosa possano pensare di me, prima il naso poi gli occhi poi le orecchie i capelli e infine le manine che salutano. su quei tavoli opachi basta avere le mani unte e vengono dei disegni perfetti, basta bagnarsi la punta delle dita...no, anzi no, bagnare le dita non funziona perche poi il disegno sparisce, bisogna avere le dita unte e allora mi tocco la fronte come pucciare il pennello nel colore e disegno. oggi la seduta è stranamente tranquilla ma un motivo c'è...il motivo è che io sto disegnando e non parlo, non ribatto. oggi sto zitto, tranne quando...vabbè, dai, sto zitto anche oggi. La guardo e penso che anche oggi è senza reggiseno e mi piace, mi piace tantissimo ma disegno e di tanto in tanto conto le mattonelle che compongono il pavimento della stanza...calcolando anche quelle che spariscono sotto i mobili sono 169. 13x13=169...si, giusto, e calcolando ancora che le mattonelle sono dei 30x30 il lato della stanza è di 4m e 80cm...minchia è grande questa stanza!

penso quello mentre mi parlano...oggi non ce la faccio, ci sono giorni in cui scelgo di sopravvivere. penso ad una cosa...penso a pollicino che lasciò alle sue spalle briciole di pane, o sassolini...chi si ricorda, penso che bisognerebbe scrivere dei bei libri per bambini. penso che l'uso della parola possa essere il principio...l'inizio della storia.

le parole fanno male e allora impariamo insieme ad usarle, giochiamo con queste parole a farci del male e a farci ridere. facciamo che sia la parola la storia e non la storia fatta di parole. regaliamo gloria a questa parola, la storia verrà da se.

mi ritrovo all'una di notte a ballare in un parcheggio "boa sorte".
a leggere sul telefono un messaggio che mi ha riempito il cuore.

grazie Max

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